Allow yourself to evolve
Talking about the stereotypes that impact on older women, I think the tide is turning, and it’s turning because we are causing it to turn by insisting on our visibility
Anita Irlen, consultant and author of the blog Look for the Woman beyond Fashion
It took only a tweet for Anita Irlen and I to click. It might be because of our common background in sociology and the resulting mindset or because of her motto “No Mud, No Lotus” that lets shine a witty personality, the result is that we found ourselves immediately on the same wavelength. As the author of the blog Look for the Woman beyond Fashion, Anita is an explorer of the image territory with a keen eye for the over 40. Because we’re fashion makers and at the same time we give fashion the power to define ourself, I’m always intrigued by the ability of materials and designs to convey so many messages. It was therefore a pleasure to navigate the unspoken language of style with Anita and to learn more about her story.
Where does your passion for fashion come from?
It started with my grand father. He was a tailor, a real “old-school” European tailor. He took his craft from Latvia, as a refugee, to a displaced persons camp in Germany, then to Australia, and eventually to the United States. He dressed my entire family in exquisitely made clothes. He even made my father’s tuxedo that I still have. From a young age I was around the look, the feel, and even the smell of fine fabric and the process of its transformation into fine garments.
Talking about fashion and aging, I noticed that after being lectured for years from the pages of the magazines to TV, after the age over-40, women are left alone to deal with their look. What do you think about this?
This is definitely changing. There are now women’s magazines, blogs, and other social media that address older women and style directly. And together with more people of color, gay people, disabled people, transsexual people, older women, and men, are walking fashion runways and even appearing in mainstream magazines. It’s no longer the “one-offs,” the occasional Charlotte Rampling or Helen Mirren photo in Vogue.
Yes, the lecturing still exists, the articles that tell you “5 things women over 50 should never wear.” But do you know what? We ourselves also perpetuate this. I once saw an article, written by a blogger my own age, whose title was, “how to hide your arms.” I don’t want to sound overly judgmental, as I understand the desire to hide certain parts of our anatomy as we age, but let’s question that “urge.”
On the other hand, the fashion and beauty industry play a big role in conditioning our perspective: how do we come to terms with this ambivalent relationship?
It really is ambivalence isn’t it? Because I write about these things, I’m constantly questioning myself about the whole fashion “thing.” Even now, as I write this, I’m thinking, “am I doing this or that, that might perpetuate women’s feelings about themselves?” “Why am I even doing this, is it even in any small way important?”
My attitude is, let’s not take it too seriously. I look at the fashion and beauty industries like I look at any other selection of products; you can buy an oven like this, or that. Most often though, I look at fashion like art. There are tacky little “arts and crafts,” there is real craftsmanship, and then there are the “masterpieces,” the couture. We can’t all own a masterpiece, but we can appreciate and learn from it.
For me, it’s always about quality vs. quantity, in everything. My grandfather and family taught me that. In the displaced persons camp, my mother did not have a “wardrobe,” she had one, good, well-made dress and coat! And she had a bathing suit that, she fashioned herself from the liners of American made military helmets she had found some place. That’s a legacy and way of being I’m very proud of.
How and why did you begin to question the status quo related to aging?
I think, psychologically, almost subconsciously, I began to question the status quo, as well as prepare myself personally for aging, very early. My undergraduate degree is in sociology. I think like a sociologist, so thinking about demographics, individuals at different stages in life, and how they interact, is not something that’s unusual or difficult for me.
What are the most surprising things you’ve learned along this journey?
There are so many things I’m surprised about! How most people deny their own aging process and their inevitable death. This includes me; I too have been surprised at my own “distaste for the process.” But the thing that has surprised me the most, even shocked me, is how much ageism there really exists, in the world.
One thing that I find always so pleasantly surprising is that the women I deal with in this age bracket are so helpful, welcoming, open- minded: it’s so refreshing. Do you have the same feeling? Why do you think this is so?
You’re right, many women are helpful, welcoming, and open-minded, those are the ones who are not so much in denial about aging. The women who haven’t “bought into” the narrative that tells us we become invisible at a certain age, that we need to step back and just spend our time with cookies and grandchildren, those women, I think, are more welcoming.
But I’ve found that the women who have bought into the narrative tend to keep you at arms length, to somehow imagine that we are all in competition. Perhaps this is a function of some sort of evolutionary self-preservation instinct?
What are the most conditioning age-related stereotypes that impact on the lives of women? The first ones we should get rid of?
The invisibility thing! One does begin to feel “overlooked” as one ages, as a woman. And evolution tells us why, the young women can still reproduce, so those are the ones that who are seen and sought out. We shouldn’t blame ourselves for feeling invisible, but let’s push beyond.
Lately, I feel like we ourselves perpetuate the process. I see endless articles about “invisibility”: on blogs, in magazines, and in literature. Enough. The more we harp on it, the more we perpetuate it. Well, I certainly don’t want to be made more invisible by my “sister’s” lamentations.
However, I do think the tide is turning, and it’s turning because we are causing it to turn by insisting on our visibility. Just one example is what happened in the last elections for the United States Congress, when voters elected one of the most diverse congressional classes ever.
What have you learned so far: how should fashion evolve when we are 40, 50 and so on?
While I’m not from the school of thought that says, “Oh, just do whatever the hell you want,” neither am I into “do’s and don’ts lists.” Your word “evolve” is perfect. One thing I think lots of women don’t allow themselves to do is evolve. We seem either reluctant to change at all, or too ready to follow.
Style and fashion are most interesting when they come from within, in a more organic way. I think you should look at everything, sit with it, and then choose wisely what speaks to you.
Is there a (or more) necessary piece of clothing that becomes a must when we age?
I’ll say one thing: a really good coat! Because even if you have the sloppiest clothes underneath, when you put that coat on and go outside, you can feel good walking around in it.
Materials are changing: is there an innovative component that you find particularly interesting for older women?
Innovation in materials (fibers and fabric) is something that is “big” right now. And it all has to do with climate change and sustainability. The kind of innovation I’m talking about is turning things like mushrooms and pineapples into fibers that clothing can be made from. That’s happening now! I have always been adamant about the use of what we call “natural” fibers. Cotton, silk, linen, any kind of wool are the best, not just because they are more sustainable and biodegradable, but also because they make better looking clothes. And while I wouldn’t buy fur myself, if one does, it’s important to realize that “synthetic fur” is terribly polluting. It may be “vegan,” but it’s also very bad for the environment. It’s better to wear your grandmother’s old fur coat than buy “faux fur.” These are the choices one has to make in order to be a conscious shopper and responsible citizen of the world.
I’m talking about slow, ethical, and sustainable fashion. The fashion industry is an extremely dirty industry. It causes horrible pollution all the way through the lifecycle of a garment: the growing, the dying process, the chemicals used to break down raw materials and make cloth, the chemicals used to make synthetic fabrics from, and the disposal of tons of used clothing. In short, the fashion industry as we have known it is unsustainable. The good thing is that the industry itself is slowly coming to terms with that.
When it comes to older women and this changing industry, I have two thoughts. I wish more older women were interested in slow fashion, and two, if you wear fast fashion, things from ZARA, H&M, and places like that, you are doing not just yourself a disservice, but your children and grand children as well
Also, you are not going to look good in cheap clothes, and you will inevitably be disappointed. Think quality vs. quantity, always.
Talking about colors: what are the golden rules?
Color is important and something I’ve been paying more attention to these days. I live in New York City, and the color for clothing in New York is black! I happen to love black and I wear it most of the time, but lately it’s become too much. I’m searching for a new, more colorful palette for myself. Color is so personal though, everyone responds to different colors differently.
I have two suggestions when it comes to thinking about color for oneself. One: look at art, lots of art, and see what colors, what palettes speak to you. What is it you can’t help gazing at for a long time? And two: when someone tells you, you look fabulous in something; it probably has a lot to do with the color you’re wearing. Take note, see what happens the next time you wear that color. Go home, and look at yourself in the mirror. What do you see, and do you like what you see? If you do, and you feel comfortable in that color, consider wearing it more.
Fashion is beginning to become more inclusive: what could be a good way to factor aging into its diktats?
Fashion is becoming much more inclusive and I don’t think that’s going to change. I think it’s all about expanding our definitions of beauty. Younger people especially are broadening their scope. Dictates just aren’t acceptable anymore; the days of the “Mad Men” cocktail dress and pillbox hat are gone.
In some ways this makes it harder for us, now you have to choose. You have to define yourself. I truly mean this, go for it! And if you just can’t get yourself to experiment, have someone help you.
I imagine you observe the most the look of older women: what are the dos and don’ts you feel would like to point out?
At the risk of sounding disingenuous, I said I don’t like dos and don’ts, I admit to some dos and don’ts.
Don’t decorate yourself like a Christmas tree, by adorning yourself with too much “stuff.” Older women especially tend to do this. I think they believe this will prevent the onlooker from scrutinizing them and looking for signs of aging. First of all, I don’t think it works, because the eye just bounces from place to place, leading to more scrutinizing. “Oh look at her hands, oh look at her neck, oh look, no pedicure!” Besides this though, the Christmas tree look only really works for Christmas trees. Coco Chanel said: “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.”
Be careful with patterns, just because a pattern is interesting, that doesn’t mean it belongs on your body. I seldom say look at what the designers do, but in this case, yes. See what Dior and Chanel do with patterns, look at Marni, and Mara Hoffman. Really, the same thing I said about too much stuff can be said about patterns. Instead of looking interesting they can either overwhelm or look pointless.
Do purchase quality; you’ll never regret it. You’ll always look and feel best in quality. Quality will last and that’s sustainable.
If you could ask something to the fashion industry to satisfy the need of the over-40 and counting, what would you suggest?
I would just ask the fashion industry to pay more attention to us in general, but also to hire more older women. It’s just logical isn’t it? If you are for diversity then diversify your staff? This is one area in which fashion still has quite a long way to go.
