Aging is a vibrant process full of momentum
We need to tackle the stereotypes that create marginalization
Stephanie Lowrey-Willson, founder and chief learning officer of Age On, and author of Age On Together: A Children’s Book on Ageism
The roads in the heart of Marrakesh’s medina are a maze of narrow alleys, arches, chipped walls, and ancient street lamps hanging from the red-clay buildings. Here and there, a metal or wooden door interrupts the monotony of the surface. At different levels, imprisoned behind a railing, windows are mute, their shutters always closed and silence fills the narrow streets. The view of a city that deliberately gives you its back would be disheartening, but walking the thin line between feeling lost and adventurous is fascinating. In a pre-smartphone era, I navigate my way to my riad. I turn left after the carpet shop and then right. When the road widens and the sun hits the ground, I enter a narrow lane on the opposite side, count three doors on the left-hand side, and fish the key out of my pocket. I insert it into the lock and turn it and invariably marvel at this square white-washed courtyard with a tall palm tree in the middle. Lewis Carroll would have loved the unpredictable views of Marrakesh.
I climb a wooden staircase that opens onto a terrace. While setting, the sun lights up the whole palette of reds, pinks, and oranges. I take in the vastness of the city in a single breath, an endless display of terraces, flat roofs, laundry hanging to dry, occasional palm trees, stripes of purple clouds on the horizon, and a strange, thick silence. Looking at the ascetic beauty of the minaret tower of the Kutubiyya Mosque, the only building standing out for its height, I see the smoke of the street vendors grilling meats in the square, and I hear the rhythmic beating of the drums rising from the Jemaa el-Fna square. The drums are calling me. I feel the power of the desert that surrounds the city, and beyond that, the entire continent speaking with no voice to something deep within myself.
Similarly, since my conversation with Lindsey McDivitt, the author and advocate for age-diversity in children’s literature, any book that tries to ditch the stereotypical views on aging to bring generations together captures my attention. Age On Together: A Children’s Book on Ageism belongs to this family. Its author, Stephanie Lowrey-Willson is also the founder and chief learning officer of Age On, a US-based non-profit organization that communicates and educates to drive change in the perception of growing old.
Can you tell us a bit about yourself and your background?
I am lucky enough to be blessed with three sets of grandparents—all excellent role models, dynamic, sharp, hilarious, and talented. Through my experience with them, I never saw older adults as "old," just people. My experience with my grandparents would impact and shape my life, albeit I wouldn't know that until my adult years. Growing up, I was instilled with a commitment to public service by my family, a commitment amplified during the years of my high school, in Kansas. At that time I had my first exposure to working with older adults. A friend's mom would read to older adults at senior communities, and I attended with her family. This experience had a significant mark on my life and brought me to volunteering at senior communities.
My family moved to Las Vegas, Nevada, where one set of grandparents had lived since the 1960s. Vegas immediately felt like home. During college, I would volunteer at senior communities and in the summer I would travel nationwide with friends and I had a chance to notice the way older adults were treated in different regions across the US. After graduation, I worked first for a non-profit serving food-insecure older adults and then for a for-profit, working in senior communities, specifically memory care, independent, and assisted living. I did this for over a decade and when I started seeing how the public perceived older adults living in these communities, my heart hurt. This hands-on experience made me aware of sympathetic ageism, which we know as feeling compassion or pity for an older adult due to their age. I started to become aware of the experience of ageism.
How did you get interested in aging?
When my grandmother started to decline and didn’t want to move from her house in the suburb of Los Angeles, I saw a seedier side to aging, and that is when my interest began. My mother lived in Las Vegas, worked forty hours a week, and then every weekend, she would drive down to see my grandmother. I would often accompany her.
My mother respected her wishes. She brought in home-help and later hospice helpers. Although most had good intentions, the helpers coming in and out of my grandmother's home weren't always of great character. My mother noticed missing items, expired food in her cabinets, neglect, and doctors over-treating her. Some days the caregiver did not show at all. It was stressful for my grandmother, who felt like she was a burden, and it was stressful for my mom, who wanted more for her mother, but couldn’t quit her job, while my grandmother refused to move to Las Vegas. My grandmother often felt alone. Her church group would visit monthly, we would visit on the weekends, but outside of her caregiver and her Boston terrier dog, she was alone.
This situation poses many questions. What would happen if my grandmother did not have my mom? Would she still have a voice in her care? Would she have been put in custody of the state? Why did my grandmother have to be alone simply because she was homebound? Where was the accessibility to services, healthcare, food, education, and social opportunities? What if she could not have afforded her caregiver? These issues planted the seed in my head that the aging process needed to better. With time, I realized that better didn't mean more services. It meant starting to tackle the stereotypes that created these marginalizations and scenarios.
Why did you create the Age On Movement?
When working at the senior communities, although the staff was wonderful and caring, sympathy resonated throughout the building. I didn't understand the thought or rather the approach. In fact, when I would give tours of the communities, people would comment "how sad it was." I would ask what they meant by "it was." Was it the building (which were all gorgeous with ample amenities) that made you feel this way? The reply was, “no aging is sad; being taken care of by other people was sad.” I inquired about what specifically made them feel sad about aging and what came out were the stereotypical biases and views about older adults.
On the other hand, I often heard many older adults saying, "I just want to be heard," whether through disjointed health care, in addressing their needs, or issues impacting their lives. It became too apparent that many of these struggles were a product of ageism. Age On is here to help shape the public conversation, advocate for change, raise awareness, educate the public, and contribute to bringing ageism to an end.
To understand the systematic nature of ageist attitudes, I went back to school to obtain an M.P.A and an M.A in Urban Leadership. However, I wanted to create new knowledge, inform the problem regarding ageism, and become an expert in using said knowledge. I obtained my EdD in organizational Change and Leadership from the University of Southern California. It is here that I have seen real growth and a contribution to Age On and the field of ageism.
Let’s talk about your manifesto: “Age On illuminates aging as an onward vibrant process.” What have you learned so far about the contradictions between how aging is presented and how it feels?
I recently turned 40. I do not feel any different; I still have the same energy. In fact, I like myself better at age 40 then I did at age 20 or 30. However, I started to notice a difference in how people treated me. The view on aging is exceptionally contrary to what individuals, their bodies, their minds, can do. I am the happiest and healthiest I have ever been yet I am now perceived differently due to my age. Some things changed one day to the next. In my experience with infertility, until I was 39, people were supportive, "You're still young; you can try again." When I turned 40, the comments changed, "You don't really want a child at 40, do you?” “I wouldn't want kids at 40", "Aren't you a little old?” Those perceptions begin to hold people back. People mustn't place anyone in a box due to age. We must learn about aging and ageism's impacts to counter the narrative and normalize aging. After all, aging is a vibrant process full of momentum.
Can we talk about the “underlying oppressions” you have identified when it comes to ageism?
They are the all-encompassing violations of human rights experienced due to age. For example, when healthcare providers under or over-treat you due to age. In the workplace, when coworkers treat an older adult differently thinking they are out of touch and out of date—passed up for a promotion or job training due to age. Being stereotyped in the media. By people in your life, leading to harmful, oppressive, and offensive biases and marginalization experienced late in life. Consequently, older adults face economic and social issues leading to a lack of connectivity, accessibility, and unification that result in loneliness, food scarcity, work insecurities, trumped by attitudes that their voice and opinions do not matter.
In your work, you address ageism and intersectionality. What elements do they have in common?
Through my research on ageism, I have found parallel stories with other marginalized groups based on race, cultural, socio-economic status, gender as a construct, etc. So, what happens when these marginalized individuals face duel oppressions like ageism and racism? The oppression compounds, creating more barriers in the aging process. Kimberlé Crenshaw, an American activist, professor, and lawyer, first coined the theory of intersectionality in 1989, when she published a paper titled “Demarginalizing the Intersection of Race and Sex.” Originally the term was used to illuminate racism in American institutions. Today the term has evolved to mean “intersecting identities” to indicate the dual oppressions based on identity. Understanding how minority groups vs. non-minority groups experience ageism will help society better understand both oppressions and inform the problem of ageism.
How did you come up with the book Age On Together and how do you address the concept of aging with the youngest young?
Ageist attitudes begin in children as young as four. I realized we need support to help circumvent these thoughts at an early age. That real catalyst, however, was when I was standing in line at the grocery store. An older man was checking-out, and there was a mother and her young child in front of me. The little girl stated that the man was slow because he was old. It was the child’s perception and her reality that shocked me. Where did she learn that, and why did she think that? I thought: there needs to be a book about older adults to disrupt cultural and social norms in order to normalize aging. Thus, I created a book that shows children that older adults can do anything a child can.
What changes are you implementing in your community and what feedback are you receiving?
I have been lecturing across the United States, informally and formally, to educate and raise awareness about the harmful effects of ageism. The changes I am seeing are in the way individuals are adopting new language around aging. It is imperative to be aware of language habits that may inadvertently lead to marginalization and the continuation of stereotypes by using inclusive language. Inclusive language is free from discrimination, negative messages, and stereotypes. Since words matter, I invite people to refrain from calling older adults "the elderly" and using terms like "a senior moment." I am witnessing a change in the lexicon, but we still have a long way to go. I have heard people in charge of diversity and inclusion say ageist comments and think nothing of their words. When this happens, I suggest they replace the comment of age with gender. People tend to nod when someone says I can’t use Zoom well because of my age, but what if someone said I couldn't use Zoom because I am a female?
How has this journey changed your approach to aging?
I am more aware, aware for all humanity and people's unique experiences. I realized I cannot assume I know how someone feels; what an individual wants or needs, much less a group in its entirety. That’s why I am wary of those who provide resources to build the kinds of programs they think older adults need. Instead of working top-down, we need to start working side-by-side. Instead of creating models and programs internally and then offering them to older adults, we need to include older adults in research and decision-making. To be the most effective, we need partners who help by being open and collaborative instead of coming with a preset of archaic ideas about human needs. In addition, my journey has normalized aging for me. I do not fear getting older, and I am looking forward to all the ups and downs life brings.
